One thing I did not anticipate but should have was the responsibility that comes with dressing like every 30-something-year-old dude’s childhood hero.
When I was walking up to the door someone was like, “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid…” which is one of Han Solo’s quotes from the movies. I knew the quote but I didn’t know what the next line in the movie was nor did I know what to say in general so I was just like, “Awesome,” and walked in the door. But that shit kept happening all night. I’d be in line for the bathroom and some dude would be like, “Why, you stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking, nerf herder…” to which I was supposed to reply, “Who’s scruffy looking?” but to which I replied, “Cool,” because I loved the movies but I didn’t memorize all the goddamn lines. I felt like an imposter, like all these guys were expecting me to be Han Solo and I wasn’t. I’d show people my awesome blaster that I whittled with my own two hands and they’d be like, “That’s cool. I own a $250 replica light saber.” What? What are you doing with a goddamn replica light saber??? I’m there wearing a goddamn $15 cutoff leather jacket from the women’s department at TJ Maxx and someone would be like, “I bought a $600 Jedi cloak and I stood in line for 4 days when Star Wars I came out…” Why? Why did you do that?
I felt so bush league. Like, look at us with Boba Fett here:
Our costumes are pretty badass and definitely stand up next to his but he spent $800 on that replica outfit. $800 I tell you! Who is spending that kind of money on costumes? I’ll tell you who - dudes who were not going home with chicks, that’s who. If I had $800 to spend on my Halloween costume I could have made actual lasers shoot out of my blaster gun for fuck’s sake.
Regardless, there were still a lot of great costumes that didn’t cost a mortgage. Some more of my favorites:
Badass Magnum PI with badass mustache. Though, this dude was actually like Tom Selik’s age, which was not badass, just creepy. In actuality, this guy might not have even been wearing a costume.
Sloth! I’m pretty sure this guy did this costume every year.
The Three Amigos, or as they were known Friday night, the Three Drunkest Motherfuckers in the Entire Place. The dude on the left couldn’t even talk and this picture was taken at like 9 PM. What are you - 18?
Too soon MJ… too soon.
Billy Mays in the middle there… too soon dude; way too soon.
I walked up to this guy and was like, “Dale Earnhardt… Too soon dude.” He was like, “Too soon? What are you talking about? It was like 8 years ago.”
“Yeah,” I said, “Still too soon.”
Everyone knows that Jesus turned water into Bud Light… right after he turned water into Miller Lite, Natty Lite, Coors Light, Keystone Light… (Actually, this guy could have been Moses but the joke works better if he's Jesus).
This was Sara’s favorite costume of the night.
This costume was bad-fucking-ass. It’s Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter from the upcoming Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland film. The thing was though, this guy was an absolute dick. He wouldn’t pose for a picture instead he just fluttered around the whole place all night. Whatever; good luck washing off all that makeup, dick.
I’m not sure what’s scarier – the nightmarishly oversized sheep or the coked out Little Bo Peep.
This costume is not badass at all but I give the dude a ton of credit for having the balls to rock out a spandex onesie. Well, he didn’t really have the balls, but he certainly had the guts.
This was my personal favorite. These costumes were spot on awesome. I was just more than a little pissed the Baroness was rocking a plastic replica of the SW-341 blaster gun that clearly did not belong with this costume and clearly was not homemade. I’m just wondering what those three dudes had to do to convince her to live out their fantasy and wear the costume with them. Probably like dewey decimalize her book collection or something.
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